Wow

It's been awhile I must say. I didn't really think I'd ever post again to be competely honest. But I feel that I have to now.

What to say, the last few months have been anything but relaxing. I've had three different jobs, I moved out of my parents on a prayer, and I'm yet again.. finding myself. Just when you think you know who you truely are, you find out you know nothing at all and start all over again from square one. Well now I'm kind of.. let's say lost. Not completely, but I don't really know who I am or who I want to be. That's kind of a bad thing to me, but I'm only 19, almost 20, so it's not like life threating as of this moment in time. I don't think we ever figure "life" out. I don't think you're supposed. I just think you wake up in the morning and worry about that day, nothing more, because tomorrow will bring something new. Yes it's ok to have goals and lists, but don't waste your life on them, or you'll miss what the moment brings to the table. So live your life and be thankful for what you do have,

Ok so I mention three different jobs. Well the first of these is Dollar Tree. It wasn't a terrible job at all, but I did quit because I thought I was going on a Mormon mission, maybe if I hadn't had those thoughts, I'd still be at that job today, I wouldn't be living where I am now, and my life would infact, be different. But things happen for a reason I guess. Second job was working for the Davis School District summer maitenance crew, which means.. I mowed lawns. Not that exciting but I did love it and the people I worked with. Well I prolly would have kept this job until the grass quit growing if I hadn't done something really stupid. So here's a lil story. Me and mom didn't really get along. I thought she was evil, bitchy, and never let me do what I wanted. Well now I know that's just the price to pay while living under your parents roof. I learned this the hard way by impulsivly moving out and moving in with my "girl friend" (more on this later.) Anyway, now I realize that I took for granted alot, but we have worked past this and they gave me a car. How nice.. right? Well moving out made me have to quit due to lack of transportation and the fact it was 80 miles a day in gas, that I didn't have money for. Ok so the third job I have come to like. It's bussing tables at Hidden Valley Country Club. It's pretty fucking awesome most of the time. The pay is way worth it and the people I work with are awesome. I think this job will last a while (hopefully).

Ok, so I mentioned I moved out. I touched on that a little but let's put some detail into it. So I'm living with my girlfriend.... Which this is a little complicated situtation. Well not really, on the outside everything thing seems perfect, but in reality.. it's not. I'm not really happy.. I mean, yes I like her as a friend and it's fun hanging out with her, and I do care about her and wouldn't want to see anything happen, but... I don't know how to explain it. It's been... 3 months since we started dating and she is head over hills gaga in love with me, get's mad cuz I won't show affection, we fight constantly, ugghjfdsklajfkla;jfiopqekelm;kla;fjs. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I've pretty much lost most of friends cuz of this girl, (maybe they weren't true friends) And.. I don't know.. Life just doesn't really make sense right now. I mean I look at everything I had living with my parents and now it's like.. I have nothing. I've taken on so much shit, it's wearing me down, not just mentaly but physically as well. I feel 30, not 19. I'm still a teenager.. I should be having fun, not worrying about the things I'm worrying about right now. And I can't talk to her about it, cuz we don't really talk about things like we should, and I know she will just blow it up and bad things will happen and I will be stuck wondering what the fuck to do. This is why I'm yet again finding out who I really am. Who is the real Travis Herion and where has he gone. I miss him. I don't feel like myself at all. I don't know. Now I'm at a mental block.. yay.