This one is deep...

Have you ever wondered "why did this have to happen to me?" Or "Why do other it better then me?" "Does God really think I'm stronger, so there for I'm poor?" "Is there really a 'true' religion?" Growing up in the Mormon church, I was taught that it was the real, true church, and all others had bits and pieces, but not the whole pie. Many religions are similar to this, I was told by a Jehovah's Witness, at the age of 8, that I was going to hell for being a Mormon. Well there is one church that says you should explore other religions, and that's the Catholics. Maybe they are the real deal?

Ok, in saying all this above, I'm not by any means saying that the Book of Mormon is a bunch of bull shit, Jews must die, and that Quanza isn't a real holiday, but I am saying that I don't think you should have to follow a bunch of "rules" to achieve enternal glory. I'm not saying go out and cheat on your spouse, or kill that co-worker (we all have one), But, if you want to have a cup of coffee, I think you should have that right. Or smoke a cigerette (though I don't recommend that) sure, induldge in glass of wine or throw back a couple cold ones while watching the game? Sure, why not.

Now with that you might say.. "But what about laws?" Laws are ment to keep order. I don't think 10 yr olds should be drinking whiskey. Or 5 yr olds driving. You have to be resonable there. But you should be able to make life choice, without having to be punished in a religious sense. I believe in god, yes. But, I'm going to live my life the way I want and let him decide if I've lead a good life or bad life. I don't think it's right to judge people either. A great man once said, "Only God can judge me" That man was Tupac, and I'm reffering to his song, yes. A great song it is, and a great man he was. He called himself Machiavelli da Don some times, reffering to Niccolo Machiavelli, the Italian philospher. He also wrote plays, and was a diplomate, but he was more known for is Ideas on the way of life, and how things should be to sustain a perfect living enviornment. Similar to the rightings of Locke. I won't plunge into that, cuz I could go on and on, but if you have the chance, look him up.

Now on to more useless bits of things to think about.. Like the fact if you want world peace? We gotta find peace, and end the war in the streets. To have peace, you must have war. So.. You might be thinking "Build more jails?" Yes, and push harder to keep those who have done wrong locked up. It's too easy in todays world to get out of jail once you have been put in. I'm not talking about those who have been drunk driving for the first time, or those who smashed up a few mailboxes cuz they were stupid teenagers. I'm talking about those who are a fifth time voilent offender, or have been busted for drugs for the second time, not third. To keep things clean, you have to shorten the leash.

So now you think I'm pretty crazy, can't make up my mind and am all over, but everything I have said is true, and something big to think about. So on another note, the Vikings beat the Eagles, yay. And now I'm off.

The end to a new begining.

Well, it's December 28th 2010 already. In a few days it will 2011, this year has gone by pretty fast I must say. A lot has happened, more then I care to admit. The Ute's when 10-2 in reg season, only to get the Vegas Bowl and totally choking it up hard core vs Boise State. Better luck next year I guess. The Vikings in one month had Randy Moss, started working better as a team.. then released Randy Moss. Shortly after the fired Brad Childress. Brett Favre admited to leaving the voice mails, and ended his most consuctive starts. And the big three in Lebron, Dwayne, and Chris in Miami finally getting their rytheme going, people are starting to be scarred of that team from Miami.

So enough about sports, let's talk about me. What have I done? Nothing really... I've had 4 different jobs, one was seasonal. I've moved out and moved back in. I've been to jail for something that wasn't my fault. I haven't been pulled over, still drug free, and not addicted to anything but starburst and the stupid internet. I'm meeting new people and actually finding that joy I had at the begining of the year. I've accepted the fact I will never find that perfect song, cuz no matter how hard I look, I always ended up frustraited. I started watching Glee and actually like it. I've seen more movies in theaters this year then I have in the rest of my life combined. My favorite is undecided as their are so many that were fantastic. I have two kittens now, about 4 months old. They didn't like my dog at first but now they are almost best friends. I've gotten somewhat closer with my mom, and me and dad are closer then ever. We can relate to a lot, cuz my life now is what his life was kinda. We have more to talk about when we spend our days fishing or just sitting at home hanging out. There is so much more I could write but I don't know what to say. So for now I finish this, maybe to add another post to it in a few days.

Wow

It's been awhile I must say. I didn't really think I'd ever post again to be competely honest. But I feel that I have to now.

What to say, the last few months have been anything but relaxing. I've had three different jobs, I moved out of my parents on a prayer, and I'm yet again.. finding myself. Just when you think you know who you truely are, you find out you know nothing at all and start all over again from square one. Well now I'm kind of.. let's say lost. Not completely, but I don't really know who I am or who I want to be. That's kind of a bad thing to me, but I'm only 19, almost 20, so it's not like life threating as of this moment in time. I don't think we ever figure "life" out. I don't think you're supposed. I just think you wake up in the morning and worry about that day, nothing more, because tomorrow will bring something new. Yes it's ok to have goals and lists, but don't waste your life on them, or you'll miss what the moment brings to the table. So live your life and be thankful for what you do have,

Ok so I mention three different jobs. Well the first of these is Dollar Tree. It wasn't a terrible job at all, but I did quit because I thought I was going on a Mormon mission, maybe if I hadn't had those thoughts, I'd still be at that job today, I wouldn't be living where I am now, and my life would infact, be different. But things happen for a reason I guess. Second job was working for the Davis School District summer maitenance crew, which means.. I mowed lawns. Not that exciting but I did love it and the people I worked with. Well I prolly would have kept this job until the grass quit growing if I hadn't done something really stupid. So here's a lil story. Me and mom didn't really get along. I thought she was evil, bitchy, and never let me do what I wanted. Well now I know that's just the price to pay while living under your parents roof. I learned this the hard way by impulsivly moving out and moving in with my "girl friend" (more on this later.) Anyway, now I realize that I took for granted alot, but we have worked past this and they gave me a car. How nice.. right? Well moving out made me have to quit due to lack of transportation and the fact it was 80 miles a day in gas, that I didn't have money for. Ok so the third job I have come to like. It's bussing tables at Hidden Valley Country Club. It's pretty fucking awesome most of the time. The pay is way worth it and the people I work with are awesome. I think this job will last a while (hopefully).

Ok, so I mentioned I moved out. I touched on that a little but let's put some detail into it. So I'm living with my girlfriend.... Which this is a little complicated situtation. Well not really, on the outside everything thing seems perfect, but in reality.. it's not. I'm not really happy.. I mean, yes I like her as a friend and it's fun hanging out with her, and I do care about her and wouldn't want to see anything happen, but... I don't know how to explain it. It's been... 3 months since we started dating and she is head over hills gaga in love with me, get's mad cuz I won't show affection, we fight constantly, ugghjfdsklajfkla;jfiopqekelm;kla;fjs. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I've pretty much lost most of friends cuz of this girl, (maybe they weren't true friends) And.. I don't know.. Life just doesn't really make sense right now. I mean I look at everything I had living with my parents and now it's like.. I have nothing. I've taken on so much shit, it's wearing me down, not just mentaly but physically as well. I feel 30, not 19. I'm still a teenager.. I should be having fun, not worrying about the things I'm worrying about right now. And I can't talk to her about it, cuz we don't really talk about things like we should, and I know she will just blow it up and bad things will happen and I will be stuck wondering what the fuck to do. This is why I'm yet again finding out who I really am. Who is the real Travis Herion and where has he gone. I miss him. I don't feel like myself at all. I don't know. Now I'm at a mental block.. yay.

Ugh Idk

As I find myself with this sudden change of heart I find a lot of interesting things happen. People that I haven't talked to in almost 5 years talking to me, the temptation to do the wrong things ( those who know anything of the Mormon religion would know what I'm talking about) And people asking me questions that I honestly don't have answers for. "Why are you going on a mission?" "Why did you go back, thought you hated mormons?" And then people making comments like "You're just going to waste two years of your life".. Here's what I have to say to all that. I'm looking for answers... I think I've been looking in all the wrong places. I need to do this to find out things... Find out if this is what will make me happy.. Ya it could be a waste.. So far I've been the happiest I've ever been in my life and I'm finding out who my true friends are. Those who have stuck by me have been the biggest support. I know it's only been a week but it means a lot to know that I will have people who are for my decisions I make in life, and not all are family related. The most interesting one would be.. Alex.. My ex. I've talked about her in blogs past, and my friends who know me the best know that I really did fall in love with here even though I was only 18. True love knows no age as they really say. Well Alex is not mormon.. but I told her about my change of heart and that I'm going to go on a mission and she said "I'll write every week" It really means a lot, as I still see her as my best friend (yes I know.. some people just don't get it but it makes sense to me and that's all that matters in the end.) Nothing can change my mind though. I'm prepairing to go and should be out of here by the end of the year.

I've been doing a lot of music searching lately, actually looking at newerish stuff that has been coming out. I was really impressed with Eminem's CD, Relapse, that of course I got his CD that just came out not but a couple weeks ago, Recovery, and OMG talk about intense. I knew he was lyrically gifted but.. dang.. It blew me away. That a song I stumbled across called "Drop The World" Lil Wayne ft. the one and only Eminem. He's new CD is kinda the same message as Relaspe.. and the message I think it is is that he wants out of Rap, hence the long break, but can't cuz he keeps getting dragged back in. It's kind of sad if you see it from that point, because you can kinda see the struggled depending on the song. "Love the Way You Lie" Ft. Rihanna caught me a lil and reminded me the past. Weird how some songs do that, ya? Anyway other songs I've found were mainly on the Songs Of The World Cup, "Victory" by R. Kelly "Waka Waka" by Shakira just to name a few. I'm also semi in love with Katie Perry's "California Girls" Even if it is a bit.. girly "hey look at me" slutish.. *coughs* type of song. Te Amo by Rihanna was also one I found to be well done. This list could go on for days but I will leave it at that and explain the new bands I found.. prolly sometime tomorrow if not for sure Sunday.. (late) As I will be worn out from everything I am doing Saturday and happen to be going fishing with my dad that evening.

I know of only like.. 3 ppl that read this honestly and with that being said I'm going to ahead and just let my fingers fly right here and see what happens. I've always wanted to do something like this.. You never really know what you will type. It's just one of those things that I can let my mind wonder and still type something that actually makes a lil bit of sense to myself.

I know I'm making the right decision in going on a mission. I think it's what I need to do to find what I'm really looking for in life.. Which I think that thing is personal happiniess. I really haven't happy with myself in the past. Things in my life have been rough to say the least. I've grown up having to play the "father figure" for my brother with my dad being gone so much. Now that he is home more often I kept that role and now my relationship with my brother has been.. well pretty shitty. It has it's good days and bad like everything else in life but most of the time it isn't that pretty. I think me going on a mission will set and example for him as to what kind of person he will want to be in life. I also think it will fix my relationship with my mom. Me and her don't really get along that great and have yelling matches that I'm pretty sure most ppl would call the cops for if they ever heard. My dad is the one that will take me leaving the hardest I think. Me and him have this bond that really.. I can't explain. We just understand each other without the other one having to say a word. He is really my best friend and biggest mentor. I don't know what I would do with out him in my life. He has taught me so much and I learn more with each passing day. My grandparents are another big infulence in my life. They are the kindest ppl I know and the ones who will bend over backwards for those that are closest to them. I love my family so much.. It's been a long time since I've said that. And I mean it. I'm going to leave this post on that high note.

Sudden Change Of Heart

So I went camping this last week with the priest of the ward I live in. I myself am a priest and have the Aaronic priest hood. Well this trip didn't really go as planned. We didn't camp were we wanted and we only did one hike we wanted to do. We ended up spending about an hour at my grandparents trying to figure out were to camp next. We didn't really wanna camp somewhere, then break camp and camp somewhere the final night. So we found a spot with their help and all was well. We even came back there after our first hike and had lunch. They had a table and everything waiting all we had to do was cook the burgers and brats we had packed. I love them so much. Well while there my grandma had asked me an interesting question. "Are you going on a mission?" Well I told her I'm undecided and that I had to think about it, but this question didn't leave my mind. Well the next day we were supposed to go through another set of slot canyons.. well that wasn't happening with clouds in the sky. A rain storm could make that for a very bad day. Well we stopped in Tory, the last gas station before you get to Capitol Reef where the hike was supposed to take place, and there was this mini hiking store. Darren, one of our leaders, had gone into the store to ask the person that worked there if there was another hike we could do instead of the slot canyon hike we had orginally planned. She said "well there is Sulfer Creek, which is through water about 75% of the times." Her ideas she threw out didn't sound as fun, so we asked more about this Sulfer Creek, she gave us a map and told us everything we needed to know even the part about another vehical on the other side of trail. The hike it self was about 5 miles long, and included every rock knonw to man, Sulfer rock walls, red rock walls.. it was amazing. We even saw some ancient lizard tracks that were awesome. Well when the water hit it made for and even more amazing hike, and ducked down into some of the most beautiful, nature carved rock you have ever seen. We even took a shower in a water fall. Well when you see all the natural made landscape and the ancient lizard tracks it makes you wonder. So conversation of Creation came up. How God created the world in 6 days? 6 god days is like.. 6 thousand years, and there was prolly time inbetween each creation right? Well we finally decided that God had created the earth and inhabbit it with creaters. These creaters evolved until God seen the perfect one to put a spirit in, which became Adam and Eve. Then we did some more math. If you take the time from Adam and Eve, the time God came to earth, To the time we were born, it's been about 13,000 years since the earth was created. That's a long time.. and then you have forever after we die.. which when you think about it it's a lot to take in. This kind renewed my faith in the Mormon church.

Well after all this creation talk, the camp fire that night we had a lil.. closing meeting were everyone would share a thought. Something they were thinking about or something they loved about the camp. Our Bishop spoke first and gave some interesting advice. He told the group about our "math" since most everyone wasn't part of that convo and told us about how our choices prepare us for the furture. Everything we do reflects on our person. Then he talked about happieness.. what makes us really happy. He talked about quick fixes, then he talked about the spirit and the gospel and compaired the too. Quick fixes only make you happy for a short period of time and the gospel makes you happy all the time, having there spirit there guiding and watching over you. That hit me like a sack of rocks and I just knew what he was saying was right. So then It was my turn as we went in a circle and I had just so happened to be sitting by him. I knew I was gonna be first or last.. kinda on the spot either way. What else is knew. So I spoke.. I didn't really know what I was saying. I reflect on it and it was the spirit that spoke for me. I remember back to a song, Lost by Gorilla Zoe. The first lyrics are, "Walking around, looking for a way, when no one tells me which way to go, caught up in a world, a laberaith a maze, where yes ma'am could eaisly mean no, I ask them no questions cuz they give me no answers, following the wise but their walking in pampers, give me a cigerate, smoking my cancer, it treats the pain away but I still have no answer." After I said that I thought.. that's how my life has been for like.. since I dropped out of highschool. I've been lost and don't know what to do. So I ended my though and ppl moved on. Most just told their fav part of the camp, til My leader Matt came up. He said a lot. He talked about something my Bishop had mentioned.. Choices you make. He talked his wife now, how if had not gone on a mission.. he wouldn't have had a chance.. it was something she wanted in a husband. He talked about his friends.. had he not gone on a mission he would have partied like they do. He talked about his family.. had he not gone on a mission they woulda not been the family they are today. Him being the real only member, leads his family. He just said "Everything good in my life came from my mission." Bishop said the same thing.. As did Darren.. As did Wayne, Chad's father.

So the next morning we woke up and packed. I rode with Matt in his Pilot with 6 others and we watched Arrested Development for half the ride. I wasn't focused on the show.. mainly cuz I could only hear and not see it, being in the front, but was having casual convo with Matt. As we came outta Nephi I saw the semi trailer with the words, "Jesus Christ is our God.. Not a swear word." When I saw that it hit me.. I need to go on a mission. I thought about that for the next hour, and finally decided I needed to tell someone. So I told Matt. "I'm going to go on a mission." He was shocked as I thought he would be. Him, Bishop and Darren had been talking about this exact thing just that morning. "Travis needs to go one a mission." I knew it was the right thing as I've never been happier. Right now I feel on top of the world. Nothing can de-rail me. Maybe this is the answer I've been looking for. Maybe the Church is true after all. I started reading the Book of Mormon.. something I should have been doing regularly and I'm half way through only reading one day and realize more and more that I need to be teaching these words.. words of God. I guess the church is true. As much as I doubted it in the past, I realize now the trueness of the Gospel, how happy it can make me.

After making this decision I will probably lose a lot of friends. I'm ready for that. I will probably be challegned with temptation.. people telling me not to go and what not. I know that It's Satan trying to get me to not go. I know it's were I need to be. I'm ready to start a new. I'm ready for whatever this decision will bring. I'll be gone 2 years but that is nothing compaired to forever.

I'm ready to go and nothing will change my mind. I've realized I need to do this to find answers. Hopefully it's what I'm looking for. For any who read this and need advice or have questions. Hit my email up. dayum_ninja@yahoo.com

Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore they speak the words of Christ; wherefore I say unto you, feast upon the words of Christ for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things which ye should do.

June 16th 2010. I have been 19 now for 4 months and ten days. Feels like 4 years and 10 months. Work ultimately.. sucks. More drama then a highschool. It's storming right now.. thought you should know. LA beat up on Boston last night, Boise State is becoming a member of the MWC and Utah is more then likely going to join the ranks of the Pac-10 (12). The World Cup has started and there has been a lot of surprises so far. I applied for a job working on an oil rig in North Dakota. It's hard work but 26 weeks a year making 100k+.. I'd be stupid not to. Life with my family is only get worse as the days go buy. Doubt me and mom will ever have a decent convo together. Can't wait to leave next week and leave things behind for a change. No worries of any kind. I've started this thing that has help me with my problems. I write them down on a piece of paper, make that paper into an air plane, then toss them off the Mountain when I go up Farmington Canyon. You can almost feel them fly away. It's kinda cool and I'm going to make it a weekly thing. I told my friend this and she said now I am truely an artist. Thinking outside the box was always something I was good at. So I know this thing is really short and has been all over the place but I'm calling it good. I'll do a longer one tomorrow.

Friday the 30th

Ok so four months into the new year already, wow has time flown. A lot has already happened actually, I took a math class, have a job (sorta, I'm only working on average 12 hours a week) I've re-evaulated my friends, signed up for a career-choice class? (Guess that's the words I'd use) And all in all things are looking up. I'm actually happy with my life (Even with last nights rant about true friends, I still have the one I can trust with my life, that's all I need.) So what will the rest of the year hold in store? Who knows. Summer is almost here (Even though the weather isn't showing it.) I've been fishing 3 times and golfing twice, been to the driving range 5 times, played 3 pick up games of soccer, started playing basketball again and Idk, just feel like.. happy? I still have moments of sadness and moments of were I might take a glimps of the past but for the most part I live my life and don't look back. Living in the past takes away from the present. I've decided that whatever happens has a good reason. I've found good in all the bad things of my past and now have a very optimistic out look on things. Oh I started working out again to and have gained 5 lbs just like that, I feel sooo much better and have got back onto a healthy eating plan and ja;jsfkl AHH! ya. Anyway remember, live life, go big and don't hold back, don't be affraid to take a risk and always look for those signs of change.

Dueces