As I find myself with this sudden change of heart I find a lot of interesting things happen. People that I haven't talked to in almost 5 years talking to me, the temptation to do the wrong things ( those who know anything of the Mormon religion would know what I'm talking about) And people asking me questions that I honestly don't have answers for. "Why are you going on a mission?" "Why did you go back, thought you hated mormons?" And then people making comments like "You're just going to waste two years of your life".. Here's what I have to say to all that. I'm looking for answers... I think I've been looking in all the wrong places. I need to do this to find out things... Find out if this is what will make me happy.. Ya it could be a waste.. So far I've been the happiest I've ever been in my life and I'm finding out who my true friends are. Those who have stuck by me have been the biggest support. I know it's only been a week but it means a lot to know that I will have people who are for my decisions I make in life, and not all are family related. The most interesting one would be.. Alex.. My ex. I've talked about her in blogs past, and my friends who know me the best know that I really did fall in love with here even though I was only 18. True love knows no age as they really say. Well Alex is not mormon.. but I told her about my change of heart and that I'm going to go on a mission and she said "I'll write every week" It really means a lot, as I still see her as my best friend (yes I know.. some people just don't get it but it makes sense to me and that's all that matters in the end.) Nothing can change my mind though. I'm prepairing to go and should be out of here by the end of the year.
I've been doing a lot of music searching lately, actually looking at newerish stuff that has been coming out. I was really impressed with Eminem's CD, Relapse, that of course I got his CD that just came out not but a couple weeks ago, Recovery, and OMG talk about intense. I knew he was lyrically gifted but.. dang.. It blew me away. That a song I stumbled across called "Drop The World" Lil Wayne ft. the one and only Eminem. He's new CD is kinda the same message as Relaspe.. and the message I think it is is that he wants out of Rap, hence the long break, but can't cuz he keeps getting dragged back in. It's kind of sad if you see it from that point, because you can kinda see the struggled depending on the song. "Love the Way You Lie" Ft. Rihanna caught me a lil and reminded me the past. Weird how some songs do that, ya? Anyway other songs I've found were mainly on the Songs Of The World Cup, "Victory" by R. Kelly "Waka Waka" by Shakira just to name a few. I'm also semi in love with Katie Perry's "California Girls" Even if it is a bit.. girly "hey look at me" slutish.. *coughs* type of song. Te Amo by Rihanna was also one I found to be well done. This list could go on for days but I will leave it at that and explain the new bands I found.. prolly sometime tomorrow if not for sure Sunday.. (late) As I will be worn out from everything I am doing Saturday and happen to be going fishing with my dad that evening.
I know of only like.. 3 ppl that read this honestly and with that being said I'm going to ahead and just let my fingers fly right here and see what happens. I've always wanted to do something like this.. You never really know what you will type. It's just one of those things that I can let my mind wonder and still type something that actually makes a lil bit of sense to myself.
I know I'm making the right decision in going on a mission. I think it's what I need to do to find what I'm really looking for in life.. Which I think that thing is personal happiniess. I really haven't happy with myself in the past. Things in my life have been rough to say the least. I've grown up having to play the "father figure" for my brother with my dad being gone so much. Now that he is home more often I kept that role and now my relationship with my brother has been.. well pretty shitty. It has it's good days and bad like everything else in life but most of the time it isn't that pretty. I think me going on a mission will set and example for him as to what kind of person he will want to be in life. I also think it will fix my relationship with my mom. Me and her don't really get along that great and have yelling matches that I'm pretty sure most ppl would call the cops for if they ever heard. My dad is the one that will take me leaving the hardest I think. Me and him have this bond that really.. I can't explain. We just understand each other without the other one having to say a word. He is really my best friend and biggest mentor. I don't know what I would do with out him in my life. He has taught me so much and I learn more with each passing day. My grandparents are another big infulence in my life. They are the kindest ppl I know and the ones who will bend over backwards for those that are closest to them. I love my family so much.. It's been a long time since I've said that. And I mean it. I'm going to leave this post on that high note.
